Hello, dear parents,

Today, I want to have an honest conversation about something that’s been weighing on my mind and I’m sure of yours too. How do we raise our children in this modern world while staying rooted in our values? Where do we draw the line between empowerment and responsibility?

Recently, I had the absolute pleasure of sitting down with Gurpreet Singh and Jaspreet Kaur, a beautiful couple from the Instagram channel @thetunefulcouple. They’re not just content creators, they’re parents navigating the same waters we all are, trying to balance tradition with modernity, career with family, and personal growth with collective harmony. What they shared with me was refreshingly honest, deeply rooted, and so relevant to what we’re all experiencing today.

As a child psychologist and parenting expert, I’ve counseled hundreds of families. But conversations like these remind me that we’re all learning together, and sometimes the best wisdom comes from parents who are living it every single day.

The Self-Love Trap We’ve All Fallen Into

Let me start with something Jaspreet said that really struck a chord with me: “We’ve focused so much on self-love that we’ve left family love way behind.”

I see this everywhere now. In my practice, on social media, in conversations with other mothers. We’ve swung so far in the direction of self-care and self-love that we’ve started viewing family responsibilities as restrictions rather than relationships.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not against self-care. As a working mother myself, I know how important it is to fill your own cup. But somewhere along the way, we’ve confused self-love with selfishness.

Gurpreet made a brilliant point: “Self-love is an American or Western concept. We’re Indians – we need family love.”

Think about it. In America and other Western countries with the highest emphasis on individualism, depression rates are also the highest. Why? Because humans are social beings. We’re not meant to thrive in isolation. We need family, we need community, we need that sense of belonging.

When we were growing up, we lived with our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles. Someone was always watching out for us. We had accountability. We had roots. And you know what? We felt safer because of it.

From Joint Families to No Families?

Here’s the progression Jaspreet outlined, and it’s honestly quite alarming:

First, we said we want nuclear families instead of joint families.
Then we said we don’t want children.
Now we’re saying we don’t even want husbands or wives.

In the name of empowerment and freedom, we’ve started running away from every responsibility and commitment.

I’m not saying joint families are perfect – believe me, I know they come with their own challenges. But the baby shouldn’t be thrown out with the bathwater. There’s something beautiful about having grandparents around, about children learning to adjust and compromise, about extended family support.

Gurpreet and Jaspreet still live with their parents, and you know what people tell them? “You’re so lucky to have such understanding in-laws and parents.”

But here’s what they said that made me think: “Parents are always understanding. The word ‘parent’ doesn’t even fully capture what they are.”

Maybe it’s not about finding “understanding” in-laws. Maybe it’s about us being more understanding, more patient, more willing to work through differences.

Motherhood Is NOT Your Weakness

One of the most heartbreaking things I hear from young women is this: “I think motherhood might be my weakness because the sacrifices I’m making in my career are all for my kids.”

Let me say this loud and clear: Motherhood is not a weakness. It’s a superpower.

Jaspreet said something profound: “God gave women a special, unique gift called motherhood. But we ended up seeing it as a weakness.”

Why? Because for so long, women were told that’s ALL they could be. So in reaction, we’ve swung to the other extreme treating motherhood like it’s holding us back from “real” achievements.

I’ve seen this in my own life and in countless mothers I counsel. We feel guilty for choosing our children. We feel like we’re not “feminist” enough if we prioritize family over career advancement.

But here’s the truth: Making sacrifices for your children isn’t a weakness. It’s strength. It’s wisdom. It’s understanding that money can buy many things, but it can’t buy back the years you miss with your children.

The Drinking Video That Went Viral – What Message Are We Sending?

Both Gurpreet and Jaspreet mentioned a disturbing video that went viral – a parent holding onto a wine bottle while their child was falling.

It reminded them of an old joke: A drunk man falls from his bike, checks if his hand is wet, and prays, “Please God, let it be blood, but don’t let my alcohol bottle break.”

We laughed at that joke. But now it’s our reality.

I’m seeing more and more parents both mothers and fathers, drinking in front of their children, taking children to parties where alcohol flows freely, and normalizing substances as part of “modern, cool” parenting.

Here’s what I tell parents: Your children are always watching. Not just what you say, but what you do. When they see you need alcohol to relax, to socialize, to have fun – what are they learning about coping mechanisms?

If a father is drinking, traditionally the mother would gently guide him away from it. But now? Both parents are drinking together, and who’s there to show the children a different way?

I’m not here to judge anyone’s choices. But I am here to ask: What message are we sending our children?

It’s Not About Time – It’s About Presence

One of the most common guilt trips I hear from working parents is: “I don’t spend enough time with my kids.”

But Gurpreet said something that freed me from this guilt: “It’s not about how many hours you spend. It’s about presence. When you’re sitting with someone, you’re fully there.”

Think about it. You can sit with your child for three hours while scrolling through your phone, or you can give them 20 minutes of your undivided attention. Which one matters more?

Back in the day, did anyone count how many hours their father spent with them? No. But we remember the moments – the bedtime stories, the evening walks, the conversations.

Quality over quantity isn’t just a cliché. It’s the truth about meaningful parenting.

Gurpreet and Jaspreet have a beautiful practice: their son’s day is so full of physical and mental activities that he falls asleep completely exhausted at night. No screen time before bed, no endless negotiations. Just a tired, content child who’s lived his day fully.

The Morning and Night Ritual That Changes Everything

Here’s a small practice that Gurpreet and Jaspreet swear by, and I absolutely love it:

Every morning, their child greets his grandparents.
Every night before bed, he says goodnight to them.

That’s it. Such a simple thing. It takes maybe two minutes total.

But you know what it does? It maintains that thread of connection. It teaches respect. It creates a rhythm of acknowledging your elders.

Gurpreet shared that even though he’s married, he still greets his parents first thing in the morning. Everyone’s busy after that with their own work, but those few moments of connection set the tone for the day.

And at night? Even if there were disagreements during the day, when you go to say goodnight, something softens. As Gurpreet said, “When you say ‘Okay Mom, good night,’ don’t you feel better?”

This is what I mean by staying rooted while being modern. You don’t need elaborate rituals or hours of family time. Just these small, consistent practices that say: “You matter. I see you. We’re connected.”

Teaching Children to Struggle – Not Just Achieve

In today’s modern parenting, we’re so focused on our children’s achievements that we’ve forgotten to let them struggle.

Gurpreet shared a beautiful analogy: Two people growing plants. One person carefully tends to every leaf, protecting the plant from everything. Another person nurtures the plant but lets it face the elements. When a storm comes, the overprotected plant dies because it was too weak. The other plant survives because it learned resilience.

Our children need room to struggle, to fail, to figure things out. But we’ve become so possessive, so controlling, that we don’t even let them breathe.

I see this in my practice all the time. Parents hovering over homework, solving every problem, smoothing every difficulty. And then we wonder why our teenagers can’t handle rejection, can’t cope with failure, can’t manage stress.

Gurpreet said something crucial: “You can’t match the energy of your child. That’s why siblings are so necessary.”

When there’s only one child, all the parental attention and pressure falls on them. Love becomes toxic. The child doesn’t learn to share, to compromise, to exist in relationships where they’re not the center of attention.

What Are We Teaching About Money and Values?

Here’s a harsh truth Jaspreet shared: “The more money we make – say I earn two lakh rupees a month with dual income – I still don’t save even one lakh. I just bought an LV bag for two lakh rupees.”

We’re teaching our children to look rich rather than to be rich. We’re showing off on social media, maintaining huge social circles with no real depth, spending money we don’t have on things we don’t need.

One wise person said: “Life doesn’t run on money, it runs on hope.”

I’m not saying money doesn’t matter, of course it does. But when did we start valuing branded bags over family savings? When did impressing strangers on Instagram become more important than genuine relationships?

Our children are watching. They’re learning that self-worth comes from what you own, not who you are. They’re learning that image matters more than substance.

Is that really the value system we want to pass on?

Living in the Present Moment

Both Gurpreet and Jaspreet emphasized something that resonated deeply with me: living in the present.

Gurpreet said, “The present isn’t today. The present is this very moment. What I said 10 seconds ago is already the past. What’s coming next is the future.”

We’re so busy planning for tomorrow, stressing about the future, reminiscing about the past, that we miss the only time that actually exists – right now.

Our children are growing up right now. Not tomorrow. Not next year. Right now.

When you’re feeding your toddler, are you present? Or are you scrolling through your phone?
When your child wants to tell you about their day, are you listening? Or are you thinking about tomorrow’s meeting?
When you’re playing with them, are you really playing? Or are you mentally making your to-do list?

This is what modern parenting needs most – not more techniques, not more toys, not more activities. Just presence. Just being here, now, fully.

The Role of Spirituality and Faith

Something both Gurpreet and Jaspreet emphasized was the importance of spiritual grounding – whatever that means for your family’s faith.

Gurpreet mentioned Guru Nanak Dev Ji’s teachings: Work hard, share with others, then chant the name of God.

This isn’t about being religious for the sake of religion. It’s about teaching children that life has meaning beyond material success. It’s about meditation, inner peace, connecting to something larger than yourself.

Even with their young son, they practice simple meditation just sitting by the window watching birds. Nothing elaborate. Just teaching him to calm his restless mind, to focus, to find peace in stillness.

Nowadays we call it “manifestation” or “mindfulness,” and that’s fine. But the core remains the same: teaching children to look inward, to reflect, to ground themselves in values that don’t change with trends.

Empowerment Doesn’t Mean Forgetting Our Roots

Here’s where I want to bring it all together.

Modernization isn’t wrong. Gender equality isn’t wrong. Women’s empowerment isn’t wrong.

These movements were absolutely necessary to correct historical injustices and give opportunities to everyone regardless of gender.

But as Jaspreet said beautifully: “Don’t forget your culture and roots while adopting modernization.”

We can have careers AND prioritize family.
We can practice self-care AND honor family responsibilities.
We can empower our daughters AND teach them the value of relationships.
We can question traditions AND keep the ones that serve us.

It’s not either/or. It’s both/and.

The problem isn’t modernity. The problem is throwing out everything that came before as “outdated” without discernment.

My Message to You, Dear Parents

I know you’re trying your best. I know the world feels overwhelming, with conflicting messages about how to raise children “right.”

Should you be strict or gentle? Traditional or modern? Career-focused or family-focused?

Here’s what I’ve learned from Gurpreet, Jaspreet, and years of working with families:

The answer is balance.

• Balance empowerment with responsibility
• Balance self-love with family love
• Balance independence with connection
• Balance modern thinking with timeless values
• Balance achievement with character building

Our children don’t need perfect parents. They need present parents. They need parents who are rooted in values while being open to growth. They need parents who understand that the goal isn’t to look successful on Instagram – it’s to raise kind, capable, grounded human beings.

Practical Takeaways for Modern Parenting

Let me leave you with some practical wisdom from this beautiful conversation:

1. Create Simple Daily Rituals
Morning and night greetings with elders. Just two minutes that maintain connection and teach respect.

2. Prioritize Physical Activity
Let your children tire themselves out through play and activity. A physically tired child is a mentally healthy child.

3. Be Present Over Being Available
Twenty minutes of undivided attention beats three hours of distracted presence.

4. Let Them Struggle
Stop solving every problem. Resilience comes from facing challenges, not avoiding them.

5. Model What You Want to See
If you want respectful children, be respectful. If you want balanced children, be balanced. They’re watching everything.

6. Stay Connected to Your Roots
Whatever your faith or culture, pass on those values. They’re the anchor in a changing world.

7. Limit Screen Time – Yours and Theirs
Gadgets are tools, not babysitters. Use them purposefully, not mindlessly.

8. Consider Having Siblings
If possible, having more than one child helps them learn sharing, adjusting, and relating to others.

9. Live Within Your Means
Don’t chase a lifestyle you can’t afford. Teach your children that contentment beats comparison.

10. Remember Your Role
As Jaspreet said so beautifully: “If the mother is stable and happy, the family connects, the children thrive, everything works.” Take care of yourself so you can take care of them.

A Final Thought

There’s no manual for parenting. Every child is different. Every family is different. Every situation is unique.

But the fundamentals remain the same: Love deeply. Be present. Stay grounded. Teach values. Allow struggle. Model integrity.

Modern parenting doesn’t mean abandoning everything that worked for generations before us. It means taking the best of tradition and the best of progress and creating something beautiful for our children.

As Gurpreet said, “Old school is still the best, and it’s beautiful.”

I couldn’t agree more.