Today, I had an enlightening conversation with John Snell, an Executive Head Teacher and Global Educational Consultant from the United Kingdom. With years of experience in education, John has worked with schools across continents. His insights on child development, screen time, and mental well-being are both practical and eye-opening.
Our discussion touched on something every parent grapples with today: mobile phones, screens, and our children’s rapidly declining ability to focus. But what struck me most was John’s honesty when he said, “I would not say that children are getting addicted to mobile phones. I think parents also are getting addicted to mobile phones and reels and scrolling shorts.”
That hit home. Because if we’re honest with ourselves, we know it’s true.
The Uncomfortable Truth About Screen Time
Let me ask you something: How many times today have you picked up your phone while your child was talking to you? How often have you handed your toddler an iPad just to finish cooking dinner or attend a work meeting in peace?
I’m not judging. I’m a mother of a toddler and a teen. I understand the exhaustion, the never-ending to-do lists, the pressure of managing home and work. But here’s what we need to talk about: when we use screens as babysitters, we’re not just buying ourselves time. We’re teaching our children something we never intended.
“We know as a species we need to connect,” John explained. “We need connection to feel a sense of validation, a sense of grounding, and a sense of belonging. When we remove that connection and substitute it with physical things like laptops and phones, you’re missing out on a whole layer of fundamental basics that humans need to thrive and survive.”
Think about that for a moment. Every time we hand over a device instead of our presence, we’re telling our children that connection can be replaced by screens. That belonging comes from YouTube, not from us.
When Parents Are the Problem
The hardest part of our conversation came when John said something I wish every parent would hear: “We’ve got to practice what we preach. How often do you see parents with their children but walking around with a mobile phone in their hand, maybe not even communicating with their children? What message does that give?”
I see this everywhere. At parks, restaurants, even at school pickup. Parents scroll through Instagram while their children try desperately to get their attention. We’ve normalized being physically present but emotionally absent.
I’ll be honest with you, I’ve been there too. Answering just one more email. Checking just one more notification. And then I look up and realize my son has been trying to show me something for the past five minutes, and I didn’t even notice.
Both parents are working nowadays. Mothers and fathers are juggling careers, household responsibilities, and parenting. I understand. But here’s what John pointed out: “We start compensating that time with expensive gifts, toys, and luxury travels.”
We think we’re making up for lost time with things. But children don’t need more toys. They need more of us.
The Real Impact on Focus and Development
Here’s what research and John’s 25 years of experience shows us: screens are destroying our children’s ability to concentrate.
“A lot of the content in terms of cartoons is so fast-paced and quick,” John shared. “It’s so mesmerizing, it’s almost like being hypnotized. There’s no time to think. You’re just being given information all the time.”
Take CoComelon, for example. Studies have proven they use specific editing techniques to keep children glued to screens from ages two to ten. The rapid cuts, bright colors, and constant stimulation don’t give young brains time to process anything. They just consume.
And what happens? Children stop thinking. They become passive receivers instead of active learners.
John mentioned something crucial: “When you start to look at fast-paced content, it impacts cognitive development because children get so engrossed they stop thinking.”
This isn’t just about attention spans. This is about how our children’s brains are being wired. When they’re accustomed to constant stimulation, normal life feels boring. Sitting in a classroom becomes torture. Reading a book seems impossible. Even playing with regular toys loses its appeal.
The Guidelines We Need to Follow
So what should we actually be doing? John gave me clear, practical advice that every parent can implement:
For children under 11: “I wouldn’t be giving a mobile phone to a child under 11, maybe 12 or 13. I think it’s just too early. In England, our children go to secondary school at 11 or 12 years old, so that’s a reasonable age partly for keeping them safe and partly because there’s an element of needing some device to keep in contact with family.”
Screen time limits: “We know you shouldn’t really have more than two hours a day for older children, including television. If you’re drifting over that, there would be a concern.”
The 20-20-20 rule: “Every 20 minutes, look 20 feet away and spend 20 seconds not looking at the screen. Research shows we tend to blink less when we’re on screens, which has physical consequences.”
Let me share what works in my home. My six-year-old son gets 30 minutes of screen time per day on television, not on mobile phones. I play the content myself, watch what he’s watching, and keep the remote with me. After 30 minutes, the TV goes off. That’s the boundary.
Is it easy? No. Does he protest sometimes? Absolutely. But here’s what I’ve noticed: he’s learned to accept it. He knows the rules. And more importantly, he’s learned to engage with other activities such as building blocks, drawing, playing outside, and helping me in the kitchen.
“Setting boundaries, healthy boundaries, is very important,” John emphasized. “Children need to understand that it’s not allowed and cannot go beyond a line.”
What We Should Be Watching (If Anything)
I want to be clear: I don’t think screen time is inherently evil. John agrees. “I don’t think content or screen watching is a bad thing, but how you watch it and what you watch is important.”
Not all content is created equal. National Geographic teaches children about the world. Bluey demonstrates kindness, gratitude, and healthy family relationships. These have value.
But Peppa Pig? CoComelon? Many mainstream cartoon channels are now introducing content that’s either overstimulating or downright inappropriate for young children.
“I’m not sure if you’re aware,” I told John, “but many popular cartoon channels now introduce vulgar content to provoke children.”
His response was immediate: “That’s very triggering for parents. You need to be careful what children are watching.”
This is why in my home, YouTube is a complete no. Only Netflix, and only content I’ve previewed. I know this sounds controlling to some parents, but I’ve seen too many cases where children stumbled onto disturbing content because algorithms pushed it to them.
Your job as a parent is to be the gatekeeper. Not to deny all access, but to ensure what enters your child’s mind is age-appropriate and beneficial.
The Connection They’re Really Craving
One of the most beautiful things John said was about connection: “Talk lots to your child. Show an interest in things. Interact and play. I love the idea of having five portions of fun a day, a little bit like having five portions of fruit or vegetables. If you can use that as a mantra and make sure you’re having those opportunities to connect.”
Five portions of fun. Not five expensive activities. Not five educational programs. Five moments of genuine, joyful connection.
This could be:
- Making the bed together in the morning
- Picking up toys while singing silly songs
- Cooking dinner while your child stands on a stool next to you
- Having conversations about the stars before bedtime
- Sharing what made you laugh today
“We shouldn’t be waiting for a particular activity like playing a board game,” John explained. “Involve them in daily tasks. Making the bed together, picking up toys, that’s where you feel connected. You don’t have to regularly buy games and toys. Just involve them.”
It’s not about the quantity of time. It’s about the quality of presence.
The Post-Pandemic Reality
Since COVID-19, we’ve seen an alarming increase in focus issues, hyperactivity, and ADHD diagnoses in young children. John addressed this directly:
“There has been an increase, but I think it’s perhaps more a noticeable increase in awareness. Young people who’ve been socially excluded through the pandemic have difficulties with social interaction. In their formative years, they might have missed out on cognitive development.”
But here’s his warning: “We’ve got to be careful not to just label. Yes, there may be a need to get a diagnosis if necessary. But we as parents and educators need to work really closely together and think: this is my child, this is how they learn best.”
I see this in my practice constantly. Parents rush to label their children when sometimes what the child really needs is less screen time, more outdoor play, better sleep, and more face-to-face interaction.
Not every focus issue is ADHD. Sometimes it’s just a brain that’s been overstimulated by screens and understimulated by real human connection.
What Your Child Actually Needs
Let me be clear about something: your child doesn’t need you to be perfect. They don’t need expensive toys or educational apps. They don’t need every moment of their day scheduled with enrichment activities.
What they need is simple:
- Your presence, not your presents
- Your eye contact, not your phone screen
- Your listening ear, not your distracted “uh-huh”
- Your time, not your guilt-induced compensations
John put it beautifully: “We know that we learn best when we’re enjoying things. Children need to learn how to interact with each other, learn to fail, understand failure, and pick themselves up. From a very young age, it’s incredibly important not to get too stressed about the academic side, but see this as a lifelong journey.”
Starting Today
If you take one thing from this article, let it be this: your child is watching you. Your relationship with your phone is teaching them how to relate to technology.
So here’s my challenge to you:
- Put your phone away during meals. Completely away. Not face-down on the table in another room.
- Create phone-free zones in your home. Bedrooms, dinner table, and living room during family time.
- Set a daily screen time limit for your child and stick to it. No negotiations, no exceptions.
- Model the behavior you want to see. If you want your child off screens, you need to be off screens too.
- Find five portions of fun today. Five small moments where you’re fully present with your child.
Is this easy? No. Will you mess up sometimes? Absolutely. I do too.
But every small change matters. Every moment of genuine connection counts. Every boundary you set is an act of love.
Your child’s ability to focus, to learn, to connect deeply with others are shaped right now, in these early years, by the choices you make today.
The screens will always be there. But childhood? It’s fleeting. These moments won’t come back.
So put down your phone. Look your child in the eye. Listen when they talk. Play with them. Be bored together. Let them be bored alone. Teach them that life’s richness doesn’t come from screens, it comes from connection, imagination, and presence.
Your child’s focus isn’t being killed by mobile addiction alone. It’s being killed by all of us parents including choosing screens over souls, scrolling over stories, and notifications over connection.
But here’s the good news: We can change this. Starting today. Starting with us.
