Last week, a mother broke down during our session.

“I did everything right,” she said. “I set screen time limits. I blocked inappropriate websites. I even check her phone every night. But yesterday, I walked into her room and she was watching… that scene. From that new Netflix show. The one everyone’s talking about.”

She looked at me with exhausted eyes. “What am I doing wrong?”

Here’s what I told her: Nothing. And everything.

Let me explain.

A Conversation That Changed My Perspective

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of sitting down with Anjali Phogat – a fashion designer, entrepreneur, and mother who’s been navigating two very different worlds for the past two decades.

Anjali is the founder of Desire Dream Collection, a sustainable fashion brand that’s showcased at New York Fashion Week and Paris Fashion Week. She’s worked with Bollywood celebrities, dressed models on international runways, and built a successful career in one of the most fast-paced, image-driven industries in the world.

But here’s what struck me most about our conversation: Despite being surrounded by an industry that often pushes boundaries, Anjali has managed to raise a 13-year-old daughter who’s grounded, creative, and remarkably mindful about the content she consumes.

How?

Not through parental controls. Not through phone monitoring. Not through constant restrictions.

As we talked, Anjali shared something that completely reframed how I think about protecting children in the digital age. And I knew I had to share these insights with you because what she’s doing is working, and it’s completely different from what most parenting experts recommend.

The Content Crisis No One Wants to Talk About

I’ve been working with families for over a decade, and I’ll be honest, this generation of parents is facing something entirely new.

Your children have access to content that would have been locked behind adult video store counters when we were growing up. Except now? It’s on the family TV. It’s in Instagram reels. It’s in Bollywood item songs playing at birthday parties.

I shared my observation with Anjali: “Blouses have literally gone down to bralettes. The industry is getting very revealing when it comes to women. I see four-year-old children dancing to songs with explicit lyrics. Their parents are recording them, posting them, feeling proud. And I think, this is someone’s child. This is a body that doesn’t understand what it’s performing.”

Anjali’s response hit me hard: “It pains me that everything has become a game of views and money. Where is our civilization going?”

This is ruining our youth. People are just encouraging this behavior after seeing it.”

And here’s the uncomfortable truth: The danger isn’t just “out there” on some dark corner of the internet. It’s normalized. It’s mainstream. It’s on the TV in your living room.

Why Parental Controls Are Like Putting a Band-Aid on a Broken Bone

I know why parents rush to install parental controls. I understand the panic. When you discover what your child can access with three clicks, your first instinct is to lock everything down.

But here’s what I’ve learned after years of watching families try this approach:

Parental controls create a game of cat and mouse.

Your 10-year-old will figure out the password. Your teenager will use a friend’s phone. They’ll find the content at school, at a sleepover, at their cousin’s house.

And when they do? They won’t come to you. Because you’ve positioned yourself as the gatekeeper, not the guide.

Anjali shared something that perfectly captures this: “Imposing control will not improve the youth. Even if you apply parental control, they will figure out how to open it. But only by changing the environment of the house will things change.”

Think about it. You can’t follow your child everywhere. You can’t monitor every device, every moment, for eighteen years.

So if parental controls don’t work, what does?

The Solution Hiding in Plain Sight

The answer isn’t about restricting access. It’s about changing what your child wants to consume in the first place.

And that starts with what’s happening inside your home.

Let me share what Anjali does differently. She’s a successful fashion designer working in an industry that often pushes boundaries. She travels constantly for shows in New York, Paris, and across India. Her daughter is 13 right at the age when peer pressure peaks and every teenager is glued to their phone.

But here’s what she told me: “I have deleted Facebook. I’m working on reducing my scrolling. I have a wonderful team managing my social media so I don’t have to be on my phone constantly.”

Wait, a fashion designer who barely uses social media?

“My energy shouldn’t leak,” she explained. “When I need to channel my creative energy, I journal. I sketch. I write poetry. And my daughter sees this. She sees me choosing depth over distraction.”

What Your Child Actually Needs (And It’s Not Another App Blocker)

Here’s what I’ve observed in families where children naturally gravitate toward healthier content:

1. They See Different Choices Being Made

Anjali’s home has a simple practice: Every morning and evening, a lamp is lit. Everyone in the house staff bows their heads for a moment.

“It’s not about religion,” she clarified. “It’s about pausing. It’s about staying grounded. No matter what you’ve achieved, how far you’ve come, you remain humble because you came empty-handed and you will go empty-handed.”

Her daughter doesn’t do this because she’s been lectured about spirituality. She does it because it’s what she’s grown up seeing.

Children don’t do what we say. They do what we do.

2. The “Good Stuff” Isn’t Boring

One of the biggest mistakes I see parents make: They present the alternative to screens as… nothing.

“Go play outside.” (Alone? With no friends around?)
“Read a book.” (While you’re on your phone?)
“Just do something else.” (Like what, exactly?)

Anjali’s daughter learns Bharatanatyam she’s been training for years and is now a professional dancer. She writes songs. She sketches fashion designs with both hands left and right. She’s currently working on a spiritual collection inspired by Hindu stories she learned in Gurukul.

“When she went to school, she wrote many stories about Hinduism and designed many spiritual collections,” Anjali shared with visible pride.

These aren’t forced activities. They’re genuinely interesting because they’re woven into the fabric of their daily life.

3. Hard Conversations Happen Before the Crisis

Let me share an example from my own parenting journey. Recently, I had a conversation with my son Arnav about a situation at the gym: “There’s a girl who goes there. She dresses in a certain way. Your energy is different from hers. You can still go, but I want you to be mindful.”

I didn’t ban him from the gym. I didn’t shame the girl. I gave him tools to notice how different energies affect him.

Then I said something I truly believe in: “I’ve given you the lesson. Now you decide. Even if you make mistakes, I’m there for you. But you choose sensibly. Be mindful in whatever you do. I’m not going to follow you everywhere for the rest of your life.”

This is the difference between control and guidance.

And this approach aligns perfectly with what Anjali practices in her home, trusting children with tools and wisdom, rather than just rules and restrictions.

The Real Danger We’re Not Addressing

Let me tell you what keeps me up at night as a child psychologist.

It’s not that your child might see an inappropriate scene on Netflix. It’s that they’re growing up thinking this is normal. This is what beauty means. This is what gets attention and love.

Anjali mentioned something that broke my heart: “I see so-called celebrities commenting on naked pictures of young women on public platforms. These are men with their own families. And they’re publicly encouraging this content. What kind of example is this setting?”

When actresses do item songs in revealing clothing, when influencers post for views, when everyone around your child is applauding this what message does a 12-year-old girl absorb?

She learns: My body is my currency. Showing more gets more likes. This is what empowerment looks like.

And a 12-year-old boy learns: This is what women are for. This is what I should expect. This is normal.

That’s the real danger. Not the single video they might see, but the thousand small messages that tell them this is just how the world works.

Are We Misusing the Word “Empowerment”?

During our conversation, I asked Anjali directly: “Do you think the word empowerment has been taken for granted?”

Her response was immediate: “Absolutely. This is not empowerment at all.”

She explained what real empowerment looks like to her: “I’m very kind-hearted, but I know my boundaries are strong. And my daughter has learned this by observing me. She says, ‘I’m soft, but my boundaries are stronger than anyone else.'”

This is crucial. True empowerment isn’t about how much skin you show or how many likes you get. It’s about knowing your worth, setting boundaries, and making conscious choices.

But our children won’t learn this from lectures. They’ll learn it from watching us.

So What Actually Protects Your Child? (The Practical Part)

After a decade of working with families and after this eye-opening conversation with Anjali. Here’s what I recommend:

Step 1: Audit Your Own Media Diet

Sit down tonight and honestly look at what you consume.

• What shows are playing on your TV when your kids are around?
• What songs are on during car rides?
• What are you scrolling past on your phone while your child sits next to you?

Anjali mentioned that she keeps everyone on mute except spiritual accounts. “I mute all the people I follow. I only see a few spiritual people. I don’t see anyone’s stories. My energy should not leak.”

You can’t ask your child to do something you’re not willing to do yourself.

Step 2: Replace, Don’t Just Restrict

Nature abhors a vacuum. If you take away screens without offering something equally compelling, you’ll just create resentment.

In Anjali’s home:

• The TV plays spiritual bhajans when they use their home theater Premanand ji’s music, not random channels
• Evening time includes journaling and sketching
• Music is intentional she mentioned her friend Rishabh Vikram Sharma’s healing songs instead of item numbers
• They visit temples and talk about the stories behind festivals

Notice: She’s not saying “no TV ever.” She’s curating what fills that space.

“My daughter listens to the same music I listen to. She’s involved in that world. So if you want to create good youth, be mindful about what you’re showing your children,” Anjali emphasized.

Step 3: Have the Uncomfortable Conversation About Adult Content

Here’s a script I give parents:

“You’re going to see things online everyone does. Some of that content is made for adults, and it shows bodies and relationships in ways that aren’t real. When you see something that confuses you or makes you uncomfortable, I want you to come talk to me. I won’t be angry. I want to help you understand what you’re seeing.”

Anjali put it this way: “There has to be boundaries. A few things need to be agreed upon this is adult-only content. It should not reach underage children.”

This keeps the door open. Parental controls slam it shut.

Step 4: Teach Media Literacy, Not Fear

Anjali asks her daughter: “Why do you think this video has so many views? What is the creator trying to get you to feel?”

This is gold. You’re teaching critical thinking, not just blind obedience.

She also shared: “Everything has become a game of views and money. People are just encouraging this behavior. So I think we should take a collective stand.”

Help your child understand the algorithms, the business model, the psychology behind viral content. Once they see how they’re being manipulated, they become less susceptible to it.

Step 5: Create “Adult Content” Boundaries as a Family Value

But here’s the key: This isn’t about shame. It’s about developmental appropriateness.

You can say: “Your brain is still growing. Some content is designed for brains that are fully developed. Just like you wouldn’t give a 5-year-old a driver’s license, some things are for later.”

Anjali’s approach to this is rooted in connection with nature and spirituality: “When we connect with nature, with animals, when we help the earth, when we become good people, we become successful automatically. We’re not thinking about ourselves we’re coming into the oneness energy of Mother Earth.”

What I Wish Every Parent Understood

Last month, a mother told me: “I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. The whole world is going one way, and I’m trying to pull my kid in the other direction.”

I get it. I really do.

But here’s the reframe I offered her the same reframe Anjali’s life embodies:

You’re not trying to shield your child from the world. You’re giving them roots so strong that when they do encounter the world they will have something solid to stand on.

Anjali shared with me how she was the third daughter in her family, born left-handed at a time when both were considered defects. “There was no acceptance from some elders in the family. They didn’t even see my face for a long time because I was a girl child.”

She experienced rejection. She learned from failure. “I’ve always been judged for being silent. But I was listening. I was observing everything.”

And now? She’s raised a daughter who’s confident, grounded, and clear about her boundaries not in spite of the challenges, but because she learned what really matters.

“That’s what protection is,” Anjali told me. “Not controlling everything, but teaching them to stay grounded. To know their worth. To connect with something larger than social media.”

The Question That Changes Everything

Here’s what I ask parents to consider:

Twenty years from now, when your child is an adult, what do you want them to remember about their childhood home?

Do you want them to remember:

• The parental control fights?
• The locked devices?
• The feeling of being monitored?

Or do you want them to remember:

• The lamp being lit every evening
• The music that played during dinner
• The conversations where they felt safe asking hard questions
• The parent who modeled the life they hoped their child would live

You can’t control every pixel your child sees. But you can absolutely shape the lens through which they interpret those pixels.

A Final Thought

At the end of our conversation, Anjali said something that’s stayed with me:

“I don’t watch TV. I don’t have time. We play Premanand ji’s bhajans. My daughter listens to the same. She’s involved in that world. And I think if you want to create good youth, be mindful about what you’re showing your children. They’re watching what you’re watching.”

She paused, then added with characteristic honesty: “I’m still struggling with mobile addiction myself. I’m still learning every day. But I’m trying. I’m choosing what I want to bring into my home.”

She’s not a perfect parent. None of us are.

But she’s doing the one thing that matters most:

She’s making conscious choices about what enters her home. And her daughter is watching.

That’s what protects your child online. Not a password. Not an app blocker.

Your choices. Your presence. Your example.

P.S. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, start with just one thing: Tonight, before bed, light a candle or a lamp with your child. Say nothing. Just let them see you pause, bow your head, take a breath.

As Anjali reminded me: “When both our left and right hands meet in prayer, the energies of Shiva and Shakti connect with each other. That creates balance.”

That’s it. That’s the beginning.